Out of Breath (Breathing)

Swoon Worthy BooksHave you ever read a series that triggered every emotion that you hold? Ever read a series that not only broke your heart into a million pieces but also slowly put those pieces back together like a puzzle? Have you ever wanted to do physical harm to a character and you honestly didn't care what happened to them as long as it was slow and painful? Have you ever read a series that made you hold your breath waiting to read what will happen next knowing that it would probably either warm your soul or my your heart ache? Has your heart every exploded with so much joy when in the end everything falls into place and you can finally breath again? This is that series for me, a series that left me panting for breathe but in the end had me breathing clear beautiful air that filled my lungs and warmed my soul.So the story of Evan and Emma finally comes to its conclusion. My heart is heavy and joyful as I sit and write this review because I know this gut wrenching, heartwarming, consuming series is over. Sadly I was not reviewing books when I read Barely Breathing and Reason to Breath but this review alone will let you know exactly how I felt about the series as a whole. It would be a mistake to not experience the story of Emma and Evan. It's a story of learning how to fight back, to let go, to live, to learn, to love, to forgive, and to learn how to breathe again.--I chose to live. I chose to love. I chose to breathe. - Out of BreathOut of Breath picks up with Emma at college in California after making the decision to leave Evan behind in Weslyn and not look back. Her decision will change her life forever. The past can never really truly stay in the past and she finds her past haunting her and sneaking up on her until she realizes she can't do anything but face it.I think anyone who has read this series gave a piece of their heart to Emma because of everything she went through with her aunt and mother. I found myself feeling heartbroken for her. She never really gave herself enough credit for how strong she truly was throughout her life and I wanted her to realize just how amazing she truly was. My heart broke for her all over again during Out of Breath because she truly wasn't living; she was existing, going through the motions everyday but not fully grasping life and living it to the fullest. I came to understand that her life truly did stop the moment she turned her back on Evan and walked out of his life.I was introduced to a new character that I fell in love with, Cole! He is bright, funny, sweet, caring, charming, and sexy as sin, and truly cares about Emma. He doesn't know her or her past and she plans on keeping it that way. How many times can Emma push him away before he cracks? Emma is feeling again and it scares her, she likes the numbness that she has been living with and she isn't sure she can handle "feeling" again. Can Emma truly move on with her life with Cole? I am not so sure she can but she deserves her happiness and maybe Cole can give her that?"Cole?""Yes, Emma.""Will you kiss me?""Uh, no," he responded bluntly."But I want to know if you can feel my lips," I urged impatiently."Still, no. I'm not kissing you.""Why?" I sulkedThere was a silence for a minute. Then he said, "Because I'm not even sure I like you."Emma has a new life in California, new friends, new surroundings, but the same voices haunt her day in and day out and your heart will break. The voices will not leave her head and she finds herself wanting to feel numb all the time to make everything just stop and have quiet. She may never find the peace but she craves the quiet. She is broken, barely living, but everything changes one fateful day when her past comes crashing down on her and she is forced to face it, head on.--I dug deeper into the sand and forced myself forward, needing to silence the voices that reminded me of every reason I wasn't worthy of letting anyone get close to me. My own voice among them. I fought for the control that continued to evade me with each pant, but even as I stumbled to a stop, I knew I couldn't outrun who I really was. - Out of BreathEmma is so lost, lost in her own head not knowing what to do to come out of the darkness that has consumed her. She is tired of fighting, tired of hurting everyone around her. My heart broke for her over and over and over again. Rebecca has a way of bringing you into the story and feeling Emma's pain. Knowing the darkness that over takes Emma every second of every day. You want so badly to just make her life better, make everything that has every kicked her while she was down, or brought pain and suffering to her life disappear. You want to heal her heart and save her from the evil around her and save her from herself.--I didn't look back. I took that final step and disappeared over the edge. Instantly swallowed up by the rushing wind as I plummeted toward the water. My entire body rippled with adrenaline. My stomach opened up as the gust of air hugged me tight, stealing my breath. Nothing mattered in those few seconds. Not Jonathan. Not Evan. Not Cole. Not even me. Everything was lost, and I surrendered to the stillness that overtook me. - Out of BreathWe get Evan back! (SWOON) For me Evan is her protector, her savor, her knight in shining armor. He is her one and only true love and that is the type of love that never truly fades away. The love between Evan and Emma is beautiful and refreshing. They are engraved into my heart and make my heart beat a bit faster. It's not always pretty but it's true and honest and beautiful. Evan is beautiful. He will stop at nothing to understand Emma's decisions of the past and get the closure he has been searching for, for years. I found myself wanting him to fight for her and her for him. When the actions of the present bring them face to face again everything else seems to melt away and you become solely focused on them. Your eyes and heart are always on them."I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was coming," I said. "I should have.""You should be back in Connecticut!" she yelled at me. "You shouldn't be here at all! Just go back! Just...go away." Her voice faltered as the strain of emotion broke through.The battle that Emma struggles with in Out of Breath is beyond heartbreaking. She doesn't think she deserves Evan, he wants him to hate her, she needs him to hate her. Can Evan really ever hate Emma even though the actions of their past hurt him deeply? The emotions running through Emma when Evan is involved is beyond devastating she truly feels like she is unworthy of his love and she is so scared of hurting him again and breaking his heart more than what she already has. I almost felt like until she stopped hating herself she would never stop wanting Evan to hate her."You're supposed to hate me!" I couldn't stop the tears from flowing or my body from shaking. "Why don't you hate me, Evan?!" My lip quivered.Sara is still here, loving and looking after Emma as best as she can. A true best friend and just what Emma and Evan needs. She doesn't take any crap from Evan and I love that about her. She tells Emma like it is and helps her when needed. She isn't afraid of saying how she feels and all she wants is to see her best friend whole again. She wants to fix Emma and bring the light back into her eyes. She knows the love that Evan and Emma have for each other and she isn't afraid to tell it like it is."Evan Matthews, you can tell yourself and everyone else that you're here to get answers, for closure. But the truth is, you love her. You have always loved her. You will always love her. You're here because you can't walk away. You saw how broken and empty she was back in Weslyn, and you had to follow her. You'll never be able to let her go. You're here because...it's where you belong, with her."The roller coaster of emotions throughout the 420 pages of Out of Breath will take your breath away. It will pull at every emotion you hold within yourself and leave you panting for air. Times your heart will break, you will scream, cry, cuss, laugh, smile, and shy. The conclusion of The Breathing Series is beyond anything I have ever read before and even though it was a struggle to read at times Rebecca made you want to read and hold onto every single word on every single page. It will suck you in and keep a hold of you until the very end and even after. You will never forget the story of Emma Thomason and Evan Matthews.Can Evan make Emma whole again? Can he mend her broken heart and chase away all the voices and fears that haunt her? Can Emma learn to love and forgive herself and open her heart up again to Evan? Can Evan learn to trust Emma again with his heart? Will Emma choose to walk away from Evan and protect him from herself in hopes of him finding the happiness he truly deserves or will Emma choose to live, to breathe, and to love Evan with her whole heart and stop hiding in the darkness of herself?"I don't want you to hate me. I want you to forgive me," I gasped. "I want you to love me again." His eyes shone. "But I don't know how to let you if I can't forgive myself." I paused, my lip trembling. "It always comes back to forgiving, doesn't it?"

****SPOILER ALERT*****Please read Reason to Breathe and Barely Breathing (book 1 and 2 of the Breathing Series) before you read this review.Have you ever read a series where you hold your breath, literally, waiting to see what happens next and whether it will probably either ease your soul or cause more heartache? Has there ever been a series for you that has torn you apart, slowly, piece by piece and then out you back together in the most amazing way? This is that series for me, a series that left me panting for breath but in the end had me breathing clear, fresh air that filled my lungs and brought me back to life.I can breathe easier now. I can now sit back and smile at the wonderful, crazy emotional ride that Rebecca Donovan¡¦s incredible mind has taken me through. Seriously Rebecca, you rocked it girl. I love how you put together Emma and Evan¡¦s story in such a powerful way, how you sucked us in and took it to another level. Just. Wow.This book lets you in how Emma dealt with her emotions. How Emma was coping, for lack of a better word. The way Rebecca Donovan has written her story, makes it impossible not to love Emma. And there is never a character who deserves a happily ever more than she does.Out of Breath picks up after the agonizing cliffhanger, after the horrible decision to leave Evan behind and cease communication with him completely.¡§I love him more than he will ever know. And because of that, I choose his happiness¡¨ ¡V Emma.It starts with Emma attending college in California. She has a new life in California, new friends and new surroundings. Her roommates are caring and always looking out for Emma. Then, of course there is Sara, the ultimate BFF, whose loyalty and bond with Emma was still strong even though they were thousands of miles apart. Not having her best friend around is hard but Emma tries to live her life as comfortably numb as possible. She has new roommates, plays soccer, and tries to blend with the crowd without letting anyone get too close. She goes to parties even though she doesn¡¦t feel like it. She drinks, even though she¡¦s against drinking. It is so unlike her character but then again but it shows us how she¡¦s trying to move on, move forward and grow as a person ¡V getting past her fears and taking more risks. It¡¦s all a part of growing up. She is older, as the story takes place a couple years after she leaves Weslyn.She thinks that being away from him will be better for him. How could she think that being apart would make him happy?? What she doesn¡¦t realize is that when she left Evan, SHE literally stopped living. She merely existed. Emma tries to move on with her life and with the choice she made of leaving Evan behind. She thinks she did it for all the right reasons, but then again, this is Emma we are talking about. Evan said it best.'Emma had always had a different way of processing the world and her place in it.' ~ EvanThen, Rebecca throws us a curve ball and introduces us to Cole. Cole is a sweet, funny, loving and caring, hot boy that takes interest in Emma. He takes in her quiet, standoff-ish demeanor as interesting and starts to pursue her. Emma clearly lets him know she¡¦s not interested, but his smart ass and witty remarks and his relentless pursuit get the best of her. I was surprised to see how much she let Cole in and how much she ¡§pretended¡¨ to have a normal life and feel but I guess that was all part of the plan to move on with her life even though she was clearly not over Evan. I won¡¦t lie to you, for a minute there, I thought that she may fall for Cole and I was scared. But then I remembered how powerful her love with Evan is and all thoughts of that went down the drain. You want to root for Cole because he is such a great guy and cares for her despite her withdrawn demeanor, but when you have a love like Evan and Emily¡¦s, the guy didn¡¦t stand a chance.'He was my fix. Even if he couldn't fix me. ~ Emma about ColeDespite her attempt to move on, the terrible memories haunt her and the same voices torture her day in and out and all she wants to do is feel numb. She may never find the peace but she craves the quiet. The voices in her head make finding that peace and quiet near impossible. It eats at her every day. It festers in her.¡§I dug deeper into the sand and forced myself forward, needing to silence the voices that reminded me of every reason I wasn't worthy of letting anyone get close to me. My own voice among them. I fought for the control that continued to evade me with each pant, but even as I stumbled to a stop, I knew I couldn't outrun who I really was¡¨. ¡V Emma.Just when you think it¡¦s going to get real bad and you don¡¦t know what to expect . . . *Enter Evan*He couldn¡¦t stay away for too long. I absolutely love Evan. LOVE HIM. What an amazing character. This, my friends, is unconditional, raw love. When he returns, Rebecca switched viewpoints from Emma to Ethan which I thought was absolutely brilliant. You get to see, feel, and live through Evan¡¦s pain as well. You get to see how much he suffered and Rebecca takes us into his mind and I loved every minute of it. If you didn¡¦t love Evan before, you will fall head over heels in love with him now. Reading his point of view solidified this series for me. The only thing better would have been a chapter or two of Sara¡¦s POV but other than that it was pure perfection and well, less of Emma¡¦s horrid decision making skills. Given that she suffered more than anyone should ever have to in a lifetime, let¡¦s give her the freedom to rebuild the way she thinks is best. And it is through Evan that we see just how much he knows her and loves her. How he is the only person that truly knows her.Emma is so messed up at this point. She has to first learn to forgive, love, and accept herself before she thinks about letting Evan back in. She is broken, barely living, but everything changes one day when her past comes crashing down on her and she has no choice but to deal with it and stop hiding. Rebecca waited a long time to bring out our prince in shining armor. I was about to throw my iPad again because Evan hadn¡¦t made an appearance and I was getting anxious. What can I say? I have very little patience. I only waited a whole year for this third book!!!The inner struggle that Emma goes through in OOB is absolutely excruciating. She doesn't think she deserves Evan, she wants him to hate her, she needs him to hate her. But this is Evan we are talking about. Can he really ever hate her?"You're supposed to hate me!" I couldn't stop the tears from flowing or my body from shaking. "Why don't you hate me, Evan?!" My lip quivered. ¡VEmmaAll he wants from her is the truth. He deserves the truth. I think he needs to know why she won¡¦t let him in. Although he is not so sure he can handle it.'The truth might be more than I could handle, but I knew it would change everything.' EvanEvan slowly comes back into Emma¡¦s world, working his way in, like only he could. He owns her in every way and no matter what he tries to tell himself, no matter how much he says this reunion is for closure, it¡¦s inevitable, he to, is still very much in love with Emma.¡§Evan Matthews, you can tell yourself and everyone else that you're here to get answers, for closure. But the truth is, you love her. You have always loved her. You will always love her. You're here because you can't walk away. You saw how broken and empty she was back in Weslyn, and you had to follow her. You'll never be able to let her go. You're here because...it's where you belong, with her." ~SaraHave I told you how much I love Sara? She¡¦s awesome. I would love to have her as my BFF.Emma and Evan¡¦s story does come to an end and it makes me sad. Even though we were all awaiting this book, really, I don¡¦t think we wanted to end. Not because we wanted to see Emma suffer more, but because Emma and Evan became a part of us. And letting go of that part of us is hard. I had a major book hangover after this book.Will Emma tell Evan the truth? Will Evan allow her back in? Will they finally have their happily ever after that they both deserve? If you have read my other reviews, you know my answer. You¡¦re going to have to read and find out.I will say this. The ending was beautiful, touching, and pulled at every heartstring in me. It was very emotional and Rebecca put in all the right touches to end it beautifully. I give this book, as I did book 1 and book 2, a solid 5 stars. º

Ok, I think this is a prime example of it being so long between books that you kind of forget what happened.3.5 stars!'"To breathing!" Serena raised her shot glass to mine.'I remember feeling as though I'd had my heart ripped out of my chest, at the end of book #2, but I couldn't remember a lot of the details, because an awful lot happened. So, seeing as book #3 focused a lot on the things that happened in book #2, I spent a lot of 'Out of Breath' racking my brain. I had a quick flick through the last book, but didn't want to have to read the whole thing again.So, because of that, I think that I didn't connect as well to the story as I might have otherwise. I wish I'd waited and read all three books at once, because I do think that this is an epic series. There is so much heartbreak and anguish. Honestly, how one girl can survive so many horrific experiences, I don't know.'Every choice had a consequence. I'd earned every aching beat that pounded in my chest.'In the third and final instalment of the series, we see Emma really struggle to cope. If she thought she was struggling before hand, that was nothing to the pain and guilt she is feeling now.This book begins two years after book #2 finishes, with threw me for a loop! So two years have gone by since she has seen or spoken to Evan.She is getting through college, but she is closed off and a shell of her former self. She has a great group of room mates who are on constant Emma Surveillance, which seemed a little bit mad to me. They make she doesn't drink too much, or get upset by anything, or do anything stupid.'Out of Breath' takes place over the summer, where Emma is finally forced to confront her past, stop hiding away and make some decisions.'I was so tired of fighting. Tired of hurting. Tired of the guilt that would never release me, and the regrets that could not be changed. I didn't want this life.'Enter Cole. He is the first to push Emma to make decisions. He wants Emma and relentlessly pursues her until she gives in.Sooo.... we're all waiting to read this book about Emma and Evan getting their HEA... and in wanders Cole, throwing a spanner right into the middle of the works.'I needed him in a way that probably wasn't healthy for either of us. He was my fix. Even if he could never fix me.'Argh! To say I was frustrated was an understatement. But as Cole and Emma's `relationship' developed, I had totally conflicted feelings. I wanted Evan! But Cole is such a sweet, likable character, and Emma puts him through hell! So, I knew I wanted Evan, but I knew, for that to happen, Cole was either going to have to turn into an a**hole, or get seriously hurt. OR, maybe she doesn't end up with Evan!!!... and I was like `Argh, no, I don't want ANY of those things to happen.' So, it was inevitable, someone was going to end up in tears... my money was on me!"I don't want you to hate me. I want you to forgive me. I want you to love me again. But I don't know how to let you if I can't forgive myself. It always comes back to forgiving, doesn't it?"Anyway, never fear, Evan makes his come back. And, oh, how I love him.'All because of a girl with a fiery attitude and a blush that let me know exactly what she thought of me. That's all it took, and I was hers.'He is kind, caring, protective, but also very very broken, now. He is mistrusting, cautious, wary... and who can blame him."I only exist because of you, Evan. You've saved me more times than you know. I'm so afraid I'm not worth the breath you gave me."So, the story continues as Emma tries to deal with the re-opening of those deep, painful wounds. Cole tried to work out whether there is any place for him in Emma's future. And Evan attempts to understand and forgive Emma's actions of two years ago."I'm not supposed to live without you. And you're not supposed to live without me. We're in this life together. Without each other, we're not really living."I felt like I didn't recognise Emma's character in this book, but I do think that that was kind of the point. The events from her past had left her unrecognisable and unable to carry on as she was. It was frustrating as hell and sometimes, I wanted to stab her in the eyes at so many points in the book... but then, if you'd been through everything she'd been through, how do you think you would fair? I don't know that many people would be entirely sane, given the circumstances.'I love him more than he will ever know. And because of that, I choose his happiness.'I did kind of feel that it went around in circles a little bit. Something set her off, she lost control, got drunk/went running/went skinny dipping/cliff diving/[enter other crazy coping mechanism here], someone picked up the pieces and off we went again... I don't really know what I wanted from this book, but then it isn't my job to come up with the story and I do think this fell a little short of my expectations, having had such a rollercoaster ride with books one and two. The first two books were so bold and the storylines were so defined and purposeful, that this book didn't match them, in my opinion.So, feeling a little `meh' right now. I really really want to recommend this series, as #1 & #2 were just insanely awesome... but book #3 was just... okay.Out of Breath StatisticsSteam Rating (out of 5): ♥♥♥Ending: HEASeries: ✓Reading Order:Book #1 - Reason to BreatheBook #2 - Barely BreathingBook #3 - Out of BreathCan this be read as a standalone? NoThemes:Child abuse (first book)GriefGuiltAlcoholismSecond chance loveWarning. This book includes...Thoughts of suicideAlcoholismDeathWriting: GoodReview by Smitten's Book Blog

I have absolutely loved this series and was very eager for the last instalment, I was not disappointed. I did however feel that something was missing in the beginning it was of course EVAN.Emma tries to leave some of her cruel past behind her as well as Evan.She wants to build a new life for herself at University but is really struggling with the decision she made thinking that Evan was better off without her. Emma very slowly starts to come out of her shell at University with the help of her room mates, however some of her decisions and actions are not even clear to herself and her drinking becomes more frequent.She finds herself in some kind of a relationship with Cole, who adores her but she does not want him to get close as she knows she will hurt him, eventually she does I did feel so sorry for him.After unfortunate circumstance's in Emma's life yet again, Evan appears back on the scene and HE needs closure for how Emma left him at her mother's house that night. He tries to rebuild her trust wanting answers but wanting her to tell him herself. As always Emma tries to shut everything out which is understandable after all life has thrown at her. I found this a emotional read, I used several packets of tissues when she received the letter from her late mother ( how can a mother want to continually torture their own daughter and leave her hoping that she will also find life to difficult to continue, absolutely HEARTBREAKING I would do anything for my daughter ).After lots of barriers being broken down by both of them they eventually find calm and each others hearts again, fantastic read so emotional it will totally consume your mind and certainly leave you thinking about Emma and Evan for months after.Well done Rebecca amazing.

Picking up two years after BARELY BREATHING left off, Emma is completely different in this book than she was in both of the others. Extremely broken from everything that has happened in her past, it's as if all the pain has finally caught up with her to the point where she can't find her way out of it. As the story progresses and she begins to fall deeper and deeper in to depression, the optimistic, driven girl who we have known from the first books has completely disappeared and in her place is only a shell. I found this extremely heartbreaking as Emma slowly loses herself, doing things she wouldn't have done before and slowly giving up, I could `feel' her desperation, and I was desperate for her to see what she had to live for as she had already lived through so much that she deserved to be happy.This book introduces a new love interest for Emma who I hate to admit, I really really liked. Cole is exactly what Emma needs at the time in her life where she has numbed herself to everything around her and because of it is missing out on life. However, although being with Cole helps to start her feeling again, this also opens her up to feeling too much as her past begins to catch up with her and she struggles to hide from the memories of her past and move forward from the guilt she feels over things that have happened with both Jonathan and Evan."You've worn guilt like an iron mask, welded to you, because you're convinced that you're to blame for what happens to everyone else. You martyr yourself for things you're not responsible for..."I loved Evan in this book just as much as I did in every other book! Despite everything he has been through the last few years due to Emma leaving him, as soon as she needs him, he is there for her. Although he knows that he could potentially get hurt again he is determined to get closure and find out why Emma left him two years before like she did so that he can finally move on with his life. However, it is clear from the minute that Evan re-enters Emma's life that he has never gotten over her, and still loves her, but doesn't feel he can fully trust her and let her back in until she tells him everything!I could totally understand Evan's reluctance to get back with Emma without hearing the truth about not only why she left him, but what exactly happened between her and Jonathan. He completely has a right to know but never pushes or gets mad at Emma when she says she can't tell him, but only remains patient, believing that she will open up to him when he's ready!The relationship between Emma and Evan in this book was a little awkward in the beginning as they both wanted to be near each other again but struggled to open up to the other. However, as the story goes on and they start to spend more and more time together, the lines slowly begin to blur and at times I felt unsure as to whether or not they were actually in a relationship as at times they acted like they were but Emma refused to be in a relationship with him until she could fix herself, afraid of hurting him again."I'm not supposed to live without you. And you're not supposed to live without me. We're in this life together. Without each other, we're not really living."The writing style in this book was amazing as ever, plus had the added bonus of Evan's POV! I loved the way the story would go back and forward from Evan to Emma, letting you see the current moment through each of their eyes almost simultaneously. It was so refreshing to know what Evan was thinking and it really added something to the book, making it even better than what it was already!The only reason I'm not giving this book the full 5 stars is because I was a teeny tiny bit disappointed with the ending. Although everything is pretty much tied up and is pretty happy, I still felt that there is so much more for Emma and Evan that we aren't going to see. Emma is still healing, and there is still so much that could potentially happen/go wrong that I just don't feel 100% happy with where the couple were at. Saying that, I still loved the book overall, I just wish there could be one more book in order to tie up a few loose ends.I found this book extremely emotional, and at times surprising. Just like the first two books, it was extremely well written with the plot continuing in a way that pulled me in even further than I was already. Throughout this whole series I have rooted for Emma and Evan and have been desperate to see them be happy together, and this book gave me that. I am so sad that this series is finally over and although I know it probably wont happen, I am still hoping for another book!"Every breath I breathe is because of you." His eyes flickered, still peering into mine. "Even when you weren't there to save me, you were my reason to breathe..."4.5 stars!

And so it is over and I am sad. I have loved reading this trilogy. I can't belive that Emma has had to go through so much in her short life. How she isnt completely broken is beyond me. She holds so much rejection, pain and guilt within herself that she is barely functioning. She has been without Evan for two years and whilst she is seeing someone (Cole) it isnt a relationship it is purely phyisical and Cole knows that she can and will walk away at any time unless he does it before her to stop himself from getting hurt. Emma has several issues to deal with in this book and we see her sink even further into the black hole she has trouble keeping afloat in. Evan comes back on the scene and whilst it isnt all hearts and flowers straight away over a period of time Emma opens up to him and tries to explain why she has acted the way she has in the past. Emma being Emma though still holds back as she believes that once she tells Evan her worst secret he will leave her and she knows that she will not be able to live through it. Again this book had me in tears but it was also great to see how the love of Evan and her friends went someway to fixing her at the end though Emma has to forgive and love herself. A great great trilogy and if you havent read it I urge you to do so.

Omg my heart broke so many times for Emma and Evan whilst reading the breathing series. The final book was just so amazing on so many levels as I felt every pain and emotion that both characters experienced. I never fully related to Emma and still don't throughly understand her choices and decisions, but all it took was one line from the book for me to comprehend everything that she had chosen: she simply loved Evan more than anything, and his happiness came first. I loved all the support characters in this book as they were all so colourful! It was great that the book was alternating between Emma and Evan as it gave a full 360 degree view of the same scene whilst getting into the heads of both characters. Absolutely smashing end, sad to see the end of the breathing series.